It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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