I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
