i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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