K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
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I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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