I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
