My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
