She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she looked like the before picture.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
