DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i think my cat just said my name.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
