it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
