i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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