Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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