did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You pole danced in your parka.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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