Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
