Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
