Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
