Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
