I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
