After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
