My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this boner is exhausting
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
