I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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