Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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