in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Vodka?
Forever.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
