Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
