I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
