Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
