you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
