Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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