theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
