you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
