his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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