I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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