I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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