Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
