yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
