me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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