I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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