I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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