it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
