Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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