ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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