the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Damn victory sex feels great
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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