I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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