And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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