all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
