Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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