Your mouth is God's brothel.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
