It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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