I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we're making bets on your personal life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
