she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
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I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
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If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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