it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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