I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
porn star boner night. come get it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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