is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
