this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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