I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
