Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
