broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
third nipple confirmed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
