What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
