I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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