we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
