Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i wish my penis had a tongue
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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