hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
