walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
