I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
