I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
