Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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