Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
