someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
