Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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