bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
