just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
