I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
