IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
