Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
