I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
