You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
