Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
