Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
someone owes me an orgasm
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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