I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
